If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
