I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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