I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
