so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize