you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize