so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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