Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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