You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
