You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
