he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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