I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
