So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
