If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
