she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
