Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
