did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
