The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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