Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
