If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
