Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
