called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
