we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize