Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
