too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize