When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
