Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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