I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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