we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
