Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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