bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
