Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
