I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
