How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
