Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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