too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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