I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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