you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
