i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
