guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
