I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
