yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
