I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
