Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
