What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize