the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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