I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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