are you so shy because you have an std?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
