I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
