And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my sisters under your porch take her home
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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