Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
