its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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