My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
