She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
