Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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