fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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