Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize