where am i from again
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
