; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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