So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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