i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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