she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
