I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
