dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
