that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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