Whats the count minus fat chicks?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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