ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
