I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
