??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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