He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
