we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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