I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
