I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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