I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
