Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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