Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
