I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
