have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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