wakey wakey hands off snakey
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
