i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
