I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
