i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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