Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I could have mohawked her pubes.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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