it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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