My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
