make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm both gender and math confused
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
