You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
