just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
