i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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