Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
