she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
