I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
bring money and cleavage
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
