It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
