There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize