I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
