omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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