Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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