Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
