the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
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