you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
